Holidays are about Family not Perfection

This article was written and published in the winter edition of Robeson Living Magazine.

As a child, I was to be seen, not heard. I was to speak when spoken to, and when I spoke it was to be brief and respectful. Holiday traditions were to be handed down, not improved upon and certainly not questioned or changed. As a child up through my college years, my job during Thanksgiving and Christmas was to set the table and observe so one day I could go through all the stress of roasting a turkey, making sure everyone had their favorite dish, and ensure everything was perfect. Very rarely was everything perfect. Someone always had a story of a debacle from the year before, whether it was forgetting the cranberry jelly and going on a search Thanksgiving Day for that important item (that I don’t think anyone ever touched), the turkey being dried out, or Daddy or Gramps telling that story that should never be told at the dining room table (possibly about the problems of previous years); perfection was hard to achieve when family was present.

That being said, some of my favorite memories of the holidays were of the imperfect moments. When Daddy changed our Thanksgiving Day dress code by wearing a polo shirt to eat at the formal dining room table or when we finally wore my mother down to allow me to contribute to the actual food by making the dinner rolls from scratch (the first three years she did buy some and hid, just in case they weren’t fit for consumption, which I am proud to say they were never used). These will be the moments I remember. Over the last few years, I was even allowed to cook the turkey. That was only because the last one my mother bought was so horribly dry that she was at her wits’ end and finally agreed to let me take a shot at it. I must say, both my deep-fried turkey and grilled turkey were met with skepticism ahead of time, but when it came time to eat, let’s just say there was a side of crow that went with that turkey, making it a very fulfilling Thanksgiving.

In an effort of making a truly fantastic family event, I would suggest including the children at a young age and give them their own task to make them feel included, take some ownership, and increase their self-esteem during these family events. Are they young and good at coloring? Maybe it should be their job to color placemats for everyone or perhaps place cards. If they are good with scissors, maybe they would like to cut out paper leaves and turkeys to decorate the table with. As they get older, perhaps they could do the centerpiece, bake a special dessert, or say grace. A cookie-decorating bar is always a great pastime for the holidays. Maybe they are dramatic and would like to offer up some entertainment for the special day with a skit, puppet show, or video.

There are tons of ways to include your children with a project and make them feel special about the holiday. There is also a side benefit. While they are busy doing their thing to wow the family, you will have a little time to work on that yummy turkey, sweet potato casserole, or take in the game. Will your holiday be picture perfect, ready for the centerfold of a magazine? Doubtful, you may end up with a Thanksgiving tribute in the center of your formal dining room table made of plastic building blocks, but it will create those family memories that will stay with them and you a lifetime. What could be more perfect than that?

For more information, please contact Shea Ann DeJarnette, Extension 4-H Agent with North Carolina Cooperative Extension, Robeson County Center, at 910-671-3276 or by E-mail at Shea_Ann_DeJarnette@ncsu.edu. North Carolina State University and North Carolina A&T State University commit themselves to positive action to secure equal opportunity regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, religion, sex, age, veteran status, or disability. In addition, the two Universities welcome all persons without regard to sexual orientation.

Making Memories to Last Lifetime

This article was written and published in the Robesonian

How much quality family time do you spend with your family? With today’s busy lifestyles, it’s sometimes difficult to arrange everyone’s schedule for family time. However, spending quality time together is important. Spending time together helps to build family bonds, trust, and memories that will last a lifetime. It doesn’t have to be big, huge trips to create quality time; often it is the simple things that can bring us together.

I remember as a child my family ate dinner every weeknight together. We would sit around the table as a family and talk about the day’s events or whatever was on our minds. I didn’t realize how special that quality family time was until I was older. That is one of the traditions I carried on when my children were younger. Whenever we ate dinner at home, it was around the dinner table and all electronics were turned off. Having a meal with your family is a great way to open the lines of communication and have conversations with each other. For some people, spending quality family time might be playing board games, going to the park, fishing, or whatever your family enjoys doing together. Sometimes it might require doing something that your children or spouse like to do.

One of the biggest excuses we utilize is we don’t have the time with our busy schedules. So try to schedule the time on a calendar with important dates and stick to it. Take a moment to play a game they want to play or sit and watch their favorite show with them. They will always remember that.

The time families spend together varies from family to family. Families with younger children usually spend more time together, because the children require the time. Families with teenagers may spend less time together because of other commitments and, well let’s face it, teenagers often want time away from parents. Sometimes it is not the quantity of time we spend together but the quality of time. It is a time for family bonding, building trust with one another, and having fun. Quality time with family is a good time to communicate openly and listen to each other. Healthy families keep a good balance of work, school, extracurricular activities, and family time. Quality family time is the perfect way to build strong family relationships.

These family relationships you are building are the starting points for all of your family members’ other relationships in the future. Modeling relationships at an early age and maintaining them through the years is important for a healthy family. In today’s society, spending quality family time together is not something that usually just happens, it takes effort from all family members. If your children realize family time it is important to you, it will probably be important to them. Allocating that special time will teach your children the value of family and how important it is to make the time for the ones you love.

For more information, please contact Wendy Maynor, Extension 4-H Program Assistant with North Carolina Cooperative Extension, Robeson County Center, at 671-3276, by E-mail at Wendy_Maynor@ncsu.edu, or visit our website at//robeson.ces.ncsu.edu/. North Carolina State University and North Carolina A&T State University commit themselves to positive action to secure equal opportunity regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, religion, sex, age, veteran status, or disability. In addition, the two Universities welcome all persons without regard to sexual orientation.